Donde en el mundo esta Lindsey Mulholland?

I spent nearly two weeks at my father’s house, and not once did I have a serious panic attack. There was some nervousness here and there, but I overcame it. The entire time I felt incredibly relaxed and stress free, and just…clean. I felt happy. My dad was in a pretty good mood most of the time, too. I feel very confident, and excited for high school to get over. For the first time, I feel like I could travel to the places I want to travel to…by myself. I don’t know where I got this sudden burst of self-assurance, but I like it.

All of a sudden…I don’t feel stressed and worried about college. I spent so much time, since 7TH GRADE, looking for colleges, deciding on some and then changing my mind, but always so sure that I was college bound, and not just any college – ivy league, something prestigious. And it was quite a blow when it became apparent that I’m going to a community college. I felt like I had let myself down and ruined my life…but now I don’t care. I don’t even know if I want to go to college. It’s such a drastic change from my feelings before, that I’m so indifferent about it now.

I honestly don’t know what I want to do anymore. What I do know is that I want to travel the world and live in different places. I want to learn as many languages as I can. I want to meet people. Most of me just wants to be a nomad – like, I’d get a job here in New York until I get enough money to move to New Orleans. Then, in New Orleans, I’d get a job, as a hotel maid, hopefully, and I’d work there for a few months, make new friends, see things in the city that I’ve never seen before. I’d make connections with people and things and fall in love. Then, when I get enough money there, I’ll move to Thailand. Do the same thing there that I did in New Orleans. Then I’d go to the UK – work my way through Scotland, England, Wales. Then to Ireland. Then to France. To Spain. Then maybe to Costa Rica. Australia. New Zealand. Indonesia. China. Japan. Brasil. South Africa. I’d be like a gypsy. I could do all of that without college – I just wouldn’t have as much money. But if I was to get a big, high-paying  international relations job…there wouldn’t be a lot of mobility. I’d be stuck in one place. I don’t like that.

But, damn…money. Call me greedy, but I want to make a lot of money. Who honestly doesn’t? I want my children to live a comfortable life. I want to be able to buy them things.

I’m not sure how I want my life to play out, but I could hop on a plane right now, to New Zealand, and I wouldn’t feel scared. I feel so adventurous and positive right now…if only I could maintain this feeling all the time.

My dad told me tonight that as a graduation present he’s going to take me anywhere in the U.S. for a week. I feel so excited and I want to travel right now, and my first instinct was “NEW ORLEANS!”. But now that I think about it, there are so many options, so many new things to explore…I could go to Hawaii! Or Alaska! I could go to Puerto Rico….OMG. I just thought of that. I could go to Puerto Rico!  Puerto Rico is a territory of the United States! OMG! OMG!

So many places I could go! I have to brainstorm! Do you have any ideas? O_o

And randomly, things added to my bucket list recently:
- Have sex with a Cajun
- Meet a gypsy

~ by Lindsey on January 1, 2009.